Kimberly Perry - We Stand Guard

At our March 12 meeting we heard from Kimberly Perry, who spoke to us about personal safety for kids.  Her ministry is called We Stand Guard, and on her site you can sign up for a free personal safety family plan.

She had a LOT of information for us. Here is a bit of what she shared:

What is Personal Safety?
- Personal safety is the prevention of child sexual abuse by teaching boundaries.

The Goal is PREVENTION by teaching personal safety both inside and outside the home.

Kimberly Perry's resources include 2 kids' books and a parent workbook.
Maisie the Monarch is specifically written for girls.
Daxton the Dolphin is geared toward boys.
The Parent Workbook gives specific instruction on how to approach teaching personal safety to your kids, and Kimberly's talk to us gave us an overview of some of the book's content.

The parent book includes a 3-Phase approach:
Phase 1 - Teach body awareness
Phase 2 - Explain boundaries (Internet, etc)
Phase 3 - Introduce personal safety

Phase 1 - General health, wellness, and body awareness lay the foundation for children to understand boundaries.
- Their body is wonderful.
- Learning self care
- Curiosity about their body is natural
- Affirm gender identity. Use real scientific words for body parts.

Explain private parts: Covered by swimsuit, private once you're not a baby, etc.
Take care of your body by keeping it clean, healthy, and safe.
Visits to a doctor include medical touches.

Safety includes safe touches: hugs, cuddles, etc. Safe touches make you feel safe and comfortable.

Empower kids:
1. Your body belongs to you
2. It's OK to say NO, not now.
3. Privacy is OK once you know how to bathe yourself, etc.

Phase 2 - Unique safety concepts - Boundaries regarding Internet/strangers/etc.
- Guard your eyes and ears
- Non-physical contact sexual abuse: exhibitionism, pornography, etc.
* Porn and drug use have a similar addictive nature. 
The book "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures" is a good resource. There is also a "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures, Jr." version for younger kids (ages 3-6)

Grooming - gradually drawing the victim into a sexual relationship
5 predatory phases:
- trust
- courtship
- seduction
- offending
- control

Identify and name safe people, safe caregivers, trusted grownups

An unsafe person can bey anyone. Sometimes someone they know and love can become unsafe by trying an unsafe touch.

Phase 3 - Personal Safety - introduce boundaries and personal safety

Boundaries and personal safety fortify safeguards for kids (safety measures for protection)

10 steps to Personal Safety:
1. Review Wellness - Hygiene, health, and safety
2. Review safe and unsafe touches, plus private parts
3. Bridge for communication
4. Check in rule
5. Dial 911
6. Personal safety family plan
7. List safe caregivers and safe grownups
8. Safe vs. unsafe people
9. Five action steps for questionable encounters
10. Slogans

Example slogans for kids during questionable encounters:
- Your body belongs to you!
- You decide who gives you safe touches
- Private parts need privacy and modesty
- Guard your eyes and ears from unsafe things about private parts
- Notice the "uh oh" feeling
- Say "NO!" to anyone trying unsafe touches with private parts!

5 Concepts of Boundaries and Personal Safety for kids:
1. Safe or good touch
2. Safe or good secret (birthday surprise)
3. Safe and trusted persons
4. Guard your eyes and ears, too
5. Notice the "uh oh" feeling (trust instincts or "funny feelings" in your body)

5 Concepts of saying "NO"
1. Saying "NO!" is a boundary or limit
2. Your job is to tell a trusted grownup right away
3. Telling is not tattling - you will not get in trouble
4. If this is happening to a friend, then TELL
5. It is never your fault!

Eight Preventative Life Skills
1. Privacy
2. Private moments
3. Guard your eyes
4. Guard your ears
5. Gifts vs. bribes
6. Safe secrets
7. Self care
8. Safe games.

Take the lead - Open and positive communication. Use positive statements, not fear-based ones.

Develop  a personal safety plan

There are 5 steps or things to remember, that can be said in kind of a sing-song rhyme kind of way: "Remember to say No, Get away if you can,
Tell someone and keep telling until it stops,
Take a stand"

Announcements: 

- Our next meeting is March 26. We will hear from Lynn Custer whose topic is "My Grandmother Read to Me".

- Nicole, Torri, and Victoria's groups will be bringing brunch. Sign up here at Signup Genius. You can also check out the upcoming brunch schedule and info by clicking on the "Brunch" tab here on the blog.

Mentor Moms Panel Part 2

This week we were blessed to hear from our mentor moms for the second time this MOPS year. The mentor moms that participated this time are: Donna Roman, Linda Lindsey, MaryBurr Edwards, Dana Devane-Webster, Cynthia Sovich, and Cindy Orange.

Below is a summary of the questions that were asked of them, and some of their answers:

- Tips for balancing time with multiple children

• Plan activities with all and make it special, but also do individual activities. Dana shared how sometimes they will do "communal nap time" after church.
• Be intentional about picking meaningful activities to do individually - those will depend on the child's interests. 

- How do you get your husband to help more?

• Tell your husband to ask. They can't read your mind even if they want to! And can't always see what we think is obvious regarding what needs to be done, what help you need, etc.
• Husband needs to switch gears to understand that their work is not over when they come home from their job.
• Get past the mindset that if they don't automatically figure it out, that they don't love you.
• Give them an opportunity to appreciate what you do by leaving them alone with the kids!
• Don't criticize the way he does things! 

- Advice regarding the college application process

• Talk with your kids about their interests starting early in their life, so they're not going into college with no idea what they want to do.
• Visit colleges at the end of their Junior year of high school so they have an idea of where they would like to apply.
• Diversify their activities when they're young so that they have an opportunity to try lots of different kinds of things and see what they might be interested in.
• Look at organizations in the area that might give out scholarships.
• Take advantage of early application periods.

- Working while kids are little

• Yes, you can do it. Yes, it is hard.
• Set parameters for yourself, especially if you work from home, so you don't feel like you're working ALL the time.

- What are resources for age appropriate boundaries regarding bodies and sex education?

• Name body parts with scientific names - no cutesy names.
• Talk about where no one is allowed to touch (under swimsuit, etc)
• If anything happens, TELL mom and dad
• Make sure you know what they're asking, and answer their questions directly rather than going too much off topic (for example - kids asking "where did I come from?" and they want to know the city where they were born, not how were they conceived!)

- How do you get your kids (boys, especially!) to talk to you?

• Talk to them in the car
• Just go there! Ask the hard questions!

Remember - God wants your kids raised well and he's more concerned with that than with whether they're happy or not. Let them fail!

Below is a handout we received at the meeting:

Announcements: 

- Our next meeting is March 12. We will hear from Kimberly Perry of We Stand Guard about personal safety for kids.

- Jamie-Lee, Lacinda, and Rosemary's groups will be bringing brunch. Sign up here at Signup Genius. You can also check out the upcoming brunch schedule and info by clicking on the "Brunch" tab here on the blog.